From: boenne@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Robert C. Boenne)
Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn
Subject: What the Hell?
Keywords: Fooman
Message-ID: <48971@mentor.cc.purdue.edu>
Date: 13 May 92 23:38:07 GMT


 From just outside the heavily abused door, a gruff yell with shrill tones
of "What the hell?!" is heard.  The latch on the door shakes a few times and
becomes still.  A brief pause follows.  The latch begins to shake with more
intensity.  The door slowly starts to open but quickly picks up speed and
flys open.  A short, incredibily fat green thing is seen on it's (?) tiptoes
for a second.  The thing (?) looks up quickly and with a gasping cry of
"Oh, shit" falls face down on the floor.  The door having picked up speed and
hitting the wall rebounds back to hit the fallen creature on the top of its
head.  

"Owww!" exclaims the newcommer.  He (the best guess) looks up at all of the
staring patrons and exclaims in his shrilly gruff voice "What the hell?"  He
then begins to rock and squirm and roll about appearantly trying to get back
up.  After a few minutes, he stops, takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh.
Beginning his squirming to right himself again, he starts to make some progress
and with a lot of effort finds his legs and stands up.  With quick jerky
motions accompanied with slight grunts, he surveys the room.  As his yellow-
green eyes slight over the beautiful harpist a slight chuckling can be heard.
And as he spies the barmaid, he emits a low "oooooh" and licks his greenish-
black lisps.  Finally, as his eyes come to rest upon the unlikely group of
patrons comprised of a goregous redhead, a dark elf, an old mage, and a rather
large fellow with a wolf, he starts to howl with laughter placing his grubby
hands on his large hips seemily to steady his large quivering belly.  After
a moment he starts to choke, checks himself, blinks his eyes a few times in
suprise, gives a snort and begins to waddle over to the bar.  As he reaches
the bar, which is quite over his head, he can be heard to exclaim "What the
hell!?"  He backs up until he can see the aging bartender and shouts with
a gruff shrill "You ought to lower that damned thimg!"  He shakes his head
in sorrow and exclaims "Give me lots of ale and food and keep it coming." 
	  
The bartender looks at the black studded leather clad, fat thing with a bit of
suprise since it's obvious that this creature has plenty of food and drink by
the size of the huge wineskin and tremendous food sack.  The bartender takes
a closer look and finds nearly the ugliest thing he ever gazed upon.  With
a green palor, a pig like snout bracketed by tusks coming from his mouth, his
black studded leather, large sacks, brimstone laced breath, grubby ring covered
hands and a slight odor indicating that a bath is needed, he is definately 
almost the ugliest thing he ever had the mispleasure of gazing upon.

The short fat one notices the added attention and sheepishy adds, "and a side
order of fries for Fooman." The kindly (?), old bartender gently asks, "Who
exactly is Fooman?"   At the top of his considerable lungs, the green, short
fat thing bellows in a deafening roar,"WHO IS FOOMAN?!  WHAT THE HELL!?"  
With repeated snorts of "What the hell?!", he gazes around the room at
the attentive patrons and realizes their lack of knowledge.  He shouts
to the room, "I AM FOOMAN!" and waddles over to a chair at a table near
the minstress, pulls the chair out and realizing that he's going to have
trouble even mouting the chair, he says "What the HELL?!", grumbles a bit
and struggles to climb onto the chair.  After a few moments of grumbling,
cursing, struggling, climbing, and "What the hell?!"-ing he seats himself.
After looking around for just a couple of moments, he looks bored and says
to the harpist, "So?!"

	-Fooman's evil twin skippy