Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn From: kring@efes.physik.uni-kl.de (Thomas Kettenring) Subject: [RATS!] No rats yet, but... Message-ID: <1993Mar15.212732.11350@rhrk.uni-kl.de> Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1993 21:27:32 GMT The four heroes left the evil wizard's place with their loot and continued searching the sewers. This time they tried to keep closer together; Git and the duck still marched at the head, followed by Bakr, Higar, and Firgun. The length of their legs seemed to be the main criterion for this order, and the smaller ones had to yell several times to slow down the big ones. "Why don't you tell me the name of the god that wizard wanted you to worship? I'd really like to know more of the local gods," Bakr asked Git. "I forgot it." "Come on! You lay on a workbench about to be killed, you can save yourself by praising a god but refuse, and two minutes later you've forgotten the name?" "Really long name. Can't remember it." "Hm." Bakr ruminated for a while. He had heard (from other magic-users) that fighters' mental capacities weren't as good as those of trees, but he hadn't expected that it was much more than prejudice. Now that he came to think of it, Ormgwen, one of his companions back home, hadn't been too bright too. He had said things like "hello tree" and "hello rock" when he was in good mood, and his interpretation of "fun" seemed to be destroying furniture with a two-handed sword. Once he had ruined an axe trying to cut down a brick wall despite they had already examined the other side of said wall. Later he picked the lock of that priest's house when the priest was at home, searched a lumber-room, and came back with a broken flute and an empty quiver... Bakr decided to keep an eye on the duck-holder. ----- "What do you do when you have a hero in your grip? Dark Master?" "I'll kill him immedi..." "Torture him until..." "No, not you. I mean Dark Master Three. Why don't you all seat yourself in a way that you can see whom I mean when I point to you? Now, Dark?" "I'll kill him immediately!" "No, no, no, no! Why don't you listen to what I say? You don't kill him. First you explain all your big plans to him, then you tell him how and when he's going to die, and then you kill him! Now, how do you kill him? Uh... Evo Bastard?" "Cut off his head with one stroke?" "NOOOO! It has to be slow! You're supposed to be cruel! Remember, you want to be Ultimate Villains, not just run-of-the-mill crooks. I fear you won't get very far, Evo. Take example by Overlord! Now - what will YOU do, Frubilupt? Well?" "---" "Well?" "---" "WELL???" Frubilupt Bumpodri woke up, bathed in perspiration. Phew! He wasn't back at school. He was lying on some stone floor. His head hurt. He was naked. It was dark. He stood up and walked around, hitting his shins at several hard things. Finally he found stairs and ascended them. He opened the door and found he had been in his cellar... Oh! It all came back to him. Some of those damn adventurers had mugged him. He ran to the room where he kept his money, and the chest was still there. Full too. Strange adventurers that. They had not touched anything here. He grabbed a torch and went back downstairs. His secret laboratory looked like somebody had moved out. The furniture was there, the altar, the chair... but everything that could be moved was gone. Everything but the wand! He ran to it, grabbed it and laughed for a while, holding the torch under his chin so that his face was illuminated in a demonic way until his beard started to burn. ----- "Really, you don't need to kill them, Higar. They're harmless!" "But they won't let us through!" "Then we take another way. Look, aren't they great? Trying to sit with their arms crossed?" "Yes, they're great big stinky crocodiles, and we will kill them!" "You mean I wasted my whole Sawdust of Pacifism on crocodiles that you want to kill anyway?" "Look Bakr, it's not wasted. They would have bitten us while we kill them if it weren't for your sawdust. Now they're easy to kill. And it's their fault when they don't let us through." "Couldn't we carry them away? I don't want to kill animals that are on a sit-down strike." "We don't know how long the stuff will work. Perhaps if we carry them away they will follow us when they change back to bloodthirsty killers. Besides, are you aware how heavy the beasts are?" "You have a point there or two. Okay, let's kill them. Firgun? Do you have some item that results in a quick death?" "Sure! How's this..." "Oh no! You wizards won't take away the fun!" Higar swung his handaxe. Git passed his finger over the edge of his axe, and his eyes shone when he glanced at the seven T-Crocs. Firgun and Bakr sighed and got their daggers. Then the Tunnel Crocodiles one after the other shook their heads, looked around, and attacked. -- Text written by kring@efes.physik.uni-kl.de AKA Bakr Input and corrections by: c164-ez@po.berkeley.edu AKA Higar scott@athena.mit.edu AKA Firgun d.morgan@bradford.ac.uk AKA Git