From alt.pub.dragons-inn Thu Jan 27 09:26:19 1994 Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn Path: netcom.com!netcomsv!decwrl!concert!news-feed-1.peachnet.edu!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!sgiblab!sgigate.sgi.com!olivea!news.bu.edu!noc.near.net!oz.plymouth.edu!b_gerber From: b_gerber@oz.plymouth.edu (Styx) Subject: Walter (repost) Message-ID: <1994Jan26.193428.19750@oz.plymouth.edu> Organization: Plymouth State College - Plymouth, NH. Date: Wed, 26 Jan 94 19:34:28 GMT Lines: 188 The following is copyright 1993 by Benjamin Gerber b_gerber@oz.plymouth.edu This is a repost of the Chronicles of Walter the Ordinary, posts 1-4. Hopefully, if all goes well, barring any untimely acts of gods and such, Walter 5 should be making an appearence on a newsreader near you in a fairly short amount of time, relatively speaking of course. The Chronicles of Walter, The Ordinary. On days where the rains fell heavily and the muddy waters ran through the gutters of the city Helsnias, adventures were always brewing. In fact, in Generica, adventures weren't so much brewed as fermented slowly in a musty basement over several years. Most of the adventurers were just plain stewed. Beggers were sitting in their corners, under there tarps and patched umbrella patiently waiting for a soggy pedestrian to offer them some scrap of life. The gaurdsmen were making there rounds, muttering about the rain and collecting the occasional thieves who fell from the wet roofs with soggy plops. It was on this wet dismal day that Helsnias' newest addition to a long line of adventurers arrived with all the heralds of a monday morning round six with a splitting headache. Of the three guards watching the main gate into the city, two were sleeping fitfully and the third was industriously picking his nose. All three of them completely failed to notice the arrival of the stranger at the gate. This particular stranger was mounted on a grey dappled horse which looked rather the worse for wear. He was dressed in a sombre grey cloak and a wide brim hat, which obscured most of his face. On his back was strapped a medium sized sword, which was possibly the least magical weapon in the entire realm. It was a plain sword made of plain steel. It was not garnished with gemstones, there were no strange runes or sigils traced apon the blade, which when looked at completely failed to emminate any sort of magical force whatsoever. It was sheathed in a plain brown leather sheath, of the sort that looks to have been patched and repatched again and again. The handle was made out of plain wood, and looked very worn from use. It was so completely devoid of any magic what so ever that wizards for miles around could sense it as a sort of void in the general traffic of magical weapons. It should be known that the three guards completely failed to notice any of these details as well. The dark stranger stood his horse just short of the entrance of the gate, so that his head was level with that of the guard sitting in the guard box. He watched the guard with quiet fascination as the soggy soldier continued with renewed efforts to extract something of value from his nose. Eventually the Gaurd became aware that someone was watching him. It seemed to dawn on him slowly, like a one winged crow learning to fly. He slowly removed his finger from his nose, and not knowing where to put it, slid it into his right front shirt pocket. Slowly he turned his head until his bleary eyes focused on the dark figure patiently sitting before him. The Guard took in all of the strangers visible features, the cloak, the hat, the sword, and the fact that someone was going to have to clean up after the horse. "Yeah...?" said the Guard. "Your not going to question me?" asked the Stranger in the sombre grey robe. "Er..." replied the Guard. The stranger decided to have another go at it. "Your not going to question my purpose in entering these city gates?" "Well...um" said the Guard. "Your not going to question my morals, seek to find the purpose of me entering your city?" demanded the Stranger, pointing at the city gates. "You, who would lay down your very life to defend these city gates? You who have dedicated years of your life into protecting the fine inhabitants of this city do not now seek to gain information about a stranger entering her pearly gates?" "Now hold up bit here!" said the Guard, who thought that it was usually the guards who needed protection from the fine inhabitants. "No one said anything about entering any pearly gates when I signed up for this job. If you want to do that sort of thing you'd better get yourself down to the docks." The stranger seemed a bit taken aback at this remark, and simply stood his ground, or what may be more appropriate for the moment, sat his horse. "Wait a minute..." said the Guard with a tone of relief, "you're an adventurer, aren't you?" "I have come to this city to seek my fortune, yes." replied the stranger. "Oh...I've got it now. You had me worried for a bit there. Now lemme see..." said the Guard as he began rummaging through a small desk in the guard box. "Here we go!" he said, as he pulled out a much worn piece of paper. "Ahem. Heree Yee Heree Ye. Whoso Goes Forthe There? What Seeke You In This Citye Stranger?" "I seek only my fortune in your fine city. It is not my intent to harm any of her fine citizens. Besides I have a Pedigree." The other two guards had by this time roused from their slumber and were now watching the proceedings with some interest. "Very well then." said the Guard, "You may go on your way. But if you want my advice, I'd keep the pedigree bit to yourself, no telling what a person would do if 'n he saw a mans pedigree." This last phrase was spoken with a nod and a wink. "Know what I mean?" "No. Not at all thank you." replied the stranger, as he proceeded through he gate. "Hold just a bit longer!" called the Guard, "If you're an adventurer, what do you do? Kill dragons? Rescue virgins? That sort of thing?" This seemed to be a bit of a sore point with the stranger, as he winced when asked and turned about sharply to reply. "Yes yes, I do all of those and a lot more besides, why do you ask?" "No reason, none at all!" said the Guard, waving his hands in what he hoped was a non-threatening gesture, "Just thought I'd ask, sort of along the asking-what-your-doing-here bit all you adventurer types seem to like." The stranger's shoulders slumped a little bit at this. "Actually," he said, "I'm really rather new with all of this adventuring business." "Really..." said the Guard, who felt that he was beginning to get trapped in one of those conversations that one should only have after a long stiff drinking session and about seventy five years of life. "Yes, you see, I used to sweep out the Inn for my father, and help out in the kitchen. I was actually quite happy. Then my father took me aside one day. Said I needed a change of pace, gave me this sword, and sent me on my way...I've not much in adventuring experience really. " Concluded the stranger. "Well!" said the Guard, "At least you've got a magic sword! Cripes, every adventurer's got to have one of them!" The stranger gave him an odd look and said "It's not magic, it's just a sword, I think." "Well what do you do with it?" asked the Guard. "I just hit people with it." replied the Stranger. "And then...?" prompted the Guard. "Well, they tend to bleed a lot, and then just sort of die." "No fireballs?" "None." "No lightning? No calling down the wrath of the elements?" "None at all." said the Stranger. "And they still die?" Asked the Guard, apparently unbelieving. "Yes." said the stranger, "they all do." The Guard gave the Stranger a look of intense scrutiny, glanced at the sword once, and then waved the stranger on. For several minutes all of the guards were very quite. "What a strange person." said one of the previously sleeping guards. -- _______________________________________________________________________________ "This is funny, really. Imagine how Jesus would freak if a Jesus freak handed him one of those dog-eared pamphlets." ---Harlan Ellison _Blood stone_ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------