From alt.pub.dragons-inn Wed Aug 10 10:40:14 1994 Xref: netcom.com alt.pub.dragons-inn:7498 Path: netcom.com!netcomsv!netcomsv!hood.paros.com!cherry.atlanta.com!emory!gatech!howland.reston.ans.net!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!news.uoregon.edu!gaia.ucs.orst.edu!news.CSOS.ORST.EDU!flop.ENGR.ORST.EDU!viper.CS.ORST.EDU!foleye From: foleye@viper.CS.ORST.EDU (Stilt Man) Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn Subject: Slaying of a Dragon Date: 9 Aug 1994 03:51:21 GMT Organization: Computer Science Department, Oregon State University Lines: 154 Distribution: world Message-ID: <326ufpINN67r@flop.ENGR.ORST.EDU> NNTP-Posting-Host: viper.cs.orst.edu Summary: Doggone it, TSR can make things hard . . . :) Disclaimer: The following story was originally written shortly before the notice of TSR's attack of widespread cranial meltdowns. In an effort to avoid getting sued, all materials which might possibly be copyrighted by TSR have thus been replaced with generic descriptions in an attempt to preserve the story without incriminating myself. Enjoy . . . :) :) :) :) ====O|==============> Sir Cuthbert, being a holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations, did not approve of the party taking these misbegotten pig-faced humanoids with ethically challenged dispositions prisoner. He knew that the short creatures that lived underground with excessive amounts of facial hair had offered exorbitant sums of a soft, yellow, corrosion-resistant substance representing number 79 on the periodic table for their live capture in order to investigate the possiblity of their responsibility for raids on the outlying territories belonging to the short creatures that lived underground with excessive amounts of facial hair, but the idea of taking them prisoner instead of sending them off to their just fate in an ugly fiery place mythically rumored to exist in a quasi-physical state beneath the world of men did not appeal to the holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations. However, the warriors sent by the sovereign hereditary ruler of the short creatures that lived underground with excessive amounts of facial hair had overruled his suggestions. They were to be brought back to the lands of the short creatures that lived underground with excessive amounts of facial hair to be questioned. Cuthbert had seen the short creatures', that lived underground with excessive amounts of facial hair, ways of "questioning" people. These pig-faced humanoids with ethically challenged dispositions would confess to being upright primates of the species homo sapiens if the short creatures that lived underground with excessive amounts of facial hair asked them. Thus, Cuthbert mounted his larged hoofed mammal with a short haired coat, long mane, and long tail which had been domesticated since ancient times and smiled down on the pig-faced humanoids with ethically challenged dispositions, gloating that their fate would still not be pleasant. His morals as a holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations would be somewhat compromised, but the beings of supernatural attributes worshipped by the peoples of the world had put it out of his hands. He had given his word as a holy warrior of orderly and benevolent intentions, and his honor was his life, after all. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The gigantic ugly scaled four-legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials sat angrily upon his humongous pile of a soft, yellow, corrosion- resistant substance representing number 79 on the periodic table, as his art that controlled natural events, effects, or forces by invoking the supernatural showed him the party of short creatures that lived underground with excessive facial hair and the holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations escorting the captive pig-faced humanoids of ethically challenged dispositions to the sovereign hereditary ruler of the former. The pig-faced humanoids with ethically challenged dispositions had been acting upon his instructions, after all. For not long ago, a goblet made of a soft, yellow, corrosion-resistant substance representing number 79 on the periodic table had been stolen from the gigantic ugly scaled four-legged creature that exhaled hazardous materials' lair. He had not been pleased with the discovery as he awoke from his slumber. Had be been awake at the time it occurred, the guilty one who stole it would have been crisped on sight. He would have had to have been careful, for he did not wish to melt his soft, yellow, corrosion-resistant substance representing number 79 on the periodic table while he was at it. Most likely he would have been tempted to fry them, but as he thought about it further, simply catching them and slowly roasting them alive would have been more entertaining and safer for his treasure. He had had one lead. The one who stole his goblet had been a short creature that lived underground with excessive facial hair. Recognizing this fact, he had entreated with a tribe of the pig-faced humanoids with ethically challenged dispositions to attempt to retrieve it, or at least discover its location. The recruiting of this holy warrior of orderly benevolent motivations and his friend, a user of the art of controlling natural events, effects, and forces by invoking the supernatural named Discombobulus, had not been a step that the gigantic ugly scaled four- legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials had anticipated. This merited personal action. The gigantic ugly scaled four-legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials spread its mighty wings, and the membranes gripped the air of his cave, sending him flying from its mouth to the group that travelled the hills below his lair. The gigantic ugly scaled four-legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials was hungry, anyway. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Cuthbert saw the monster first. He drew his weapon with a long blade for cutting and thrusting and held it up to the sky. It was a special weapon, long kept by the sovereign hereditary ruler of the short creatures that lived underground with excessive facial hair, but the sovereign hereditary ruler was unable to use it himself. Thus, the holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations had been made a gift of it. Cuthbert got off his large hoofed mammal with a short-haired coat, long mane, and long tail which had been domesticated with its kind since ancient times and prepared this weapon with a long blade for cutting and thrusting to taste the blood of the gigantic ugly scaled four-legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials. However, the monster had other plans. It swooped to his left, breathing its results of a rapid exothermic reaction between combustible materials and oxygen down at the short creatures that lived underground with excessive facial hair that stood fearfully below. It cared nothing that some of the pig-faced humanoids with ethically challenged dispositions were charbroilled in the process. Its enemies were below, along with its failed minions. They were collateral damage at best. A very luminous, intensely hot spherical cloud of dust, gas, and vapor caused by an explosion wrought by an art that controlled natural effects, events, and forces by invoking the supernatural struck the gigantic ugly scaled four-legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials along its left wing. The attack brought the monster falling to the ground, its wing no longer able to sustain its flight. The holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations was upon it in moments, plunging his weapon with a long blade for cutting and thrusting in one bulbous eye. The gigantic ugly scaled four-legged winged creature that exhaled hazardous materials was dead in moments, the weapon having lodged in its brain. Cuthbert looked around for Discombobulus, knowing he had been behind the sudden aid. He found the user of the art that controls natural events, effects, or forces by invoking the supernatural standing on a hill overlooking the party of remaining short creatures that lived underground with excessive facial hair. The holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations raised his weapon with a long blade for cutting and thrusting in salute as he mounted once more his large hoofed mammal with a short-haired coat, long mane, and long tail which had been domesticated with its kind since ancient times. "What took you so long?" asked the holy warrior of orderly and benevolent motivations. "I was waiting for the right opportunity." "Well, get down here. We've got and extra large hoofed mammal with a short-haired coat, long mane, and long tail that has been domesticated with its kind since ancient times down here for you. The sovereign hereditary ruler of the short creatures that live underground with excessive facial hair wishes to reward us with a large amount of a soft, yellow, corrosion-resistant substance representing number 79 on the periodic table for our slaying of the gigantic ugly scaled four- legged winged creature that exhales hazardous materials," said Cuthbert. When he had caught his breath after this horrendously long statement, he turned back towards the mountains while he rode. They lived happily ever after.