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From: genericus@aol.com (GENERICUS)
Newsgroups: alt.pub.dragons-inn
Subject: Pick-a-Path for a.p.d-i (satire)
Date: 11 Apr 1995 20:03:27 -0400
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PICK A PATH TO A DRAGONS-INN STARTUP STORY

1. It was a:

a. dark night.
b. stormy night.
c. both (a) and (b).
d. A bright, sunny day, the birds chirping, the flowers blooming,
and of course the inn is shut because it's not opening time yet [stop
here].

2. The doors crashed open on their hinges. Everyone turned to see a dark
figure standing in the doorway (choose all that apply)

a. backlit by a tremendous flash of lightning
b. rain dripping off his dark clothes
c. scanning his surroundings
d. surveying his surroundings
e. apparently looking for someone
f. apparently pursued by someone
g. mysteriously looking very mysterious, in a mysterious fashion

3. The person stepped inside. The figure was (choose one):

a. male
b. female
c. neither, both, or indeterminate

4. If male, he was:

a. wearing dark robes
b. wearing dark robes with a dark hood
c. wearing black robes
b. wearing black robes with a dark hood
e. wearing a black cloak over black robes
f. wearing black armour under a black cloak
g. wearing black robes under black armour covered by a black cloak
h. handsome
i. somewhat handsome
j. scream-inducing ugly

5. If female, she was:

a. wearing dark robes
b. wearing dark robes with a dark hood
c. wearing black robes
b. wearing black robes with a dark hood
e. wearing a black cloak over black robes
f. wearing black armour under a black cloak
g. wearing black robes under black armour covered by a black cloak
h. stunningly gorgeous but tough
i. stunningly gorgeous, tough, but virginal
j. just plain stunningly gorgeous

6. S/he was carrying a weapon of the following type:

a. a sword
b. a long sword
c. a pair of swords
d. a big sword
e. a really big sword
f. a sword bigger than anyone else's
g. a sword so big three men couldn't swing it
h. a big sword with assorted matching cutlery
i. a magic sword that sang, danced, and did slight-of-hand
j. no discernable weapon (hidden by black cloak)
k. an over-and-under "Terminator 2000" automatic weapon with grenade 
launcher, flame thrower, and clips of ammo capable of penetrating 
nuclear power plant cooling chamber walls (note: this choice only 
valid for female character answering to the name "Ripley")
l. a Ginsu knife ("goes through lettuce quicker than a rabbit")
m. Other (specify): ________________________

7. S/he also carried a:

a. pack
b. tome
c. stack of tomes
d. really big tome
e. a full purse of monies waiting to be swiped
f. an empty purse denoting hard-luck status (makes part 12
somewhat problematic)
g. 3-ring binder stuffed with [ADMIN] postings
h. pocket-protector filled with neato writing devices in a
variety of fashionable colours
i. wristwatch with 57 different functions (but can't give you
the current time)
j. some artifact or super-powerful magical item that no one
in their right mind would carry around with them

8. S/he had (check all that apply)

a. black hair, or any variant thereof (raven, midnight, etc)
b. red hair
c. silver hair
d. waist-length hair
e. no hair
f. beard
g. strange eyes that made everyone feel creepy
h. scars (specify number and location)
i. tattoos (specify number and location)
j. pointed ears
k. rounded ears
l. no ears
m. pointed chin
n. cleft chin
o. no chin

9. S/he was obviously

a. elven
b. part elven
c. a little bit elven
d. maybe a smidgen of elven back there somewhere
e. of a race of small stature (gnome, dwarf, and whatever you
   choose to call a hobbit-like race)
f. human (very, very rare these days)
g. from Detroit
h. some sort of monstrous creature -- also from Detroit

10. S/he then:

a. scanned her surroundings again
b. surveyed her surroundings again

11. And then:

a. walked immediately to a table in a dark corner
b. walked immediately to a chair in a dark corner
c. sat on the floor in a dark corner
d. stood in a dark corner
e. stood on a table in a dark corner and clucked like a chicken

12. The nervous barmaid offered to fetch food and drink for the new
patron. S/he:

a. refused. Oddly enough, the barkeep never seems to mind this
   behaviour of customers taking up space but not buying anything.
b. bought an ale
c. asked for a menu and then became confused when the barmaid
recited all the daily specials three times

12a. Any ancillary conversation is (check all that apply) :

a. nonexistent
b. misspelled
c. in some pseudo-Shakespearean dialect
d. strictly to impress others nearby

13. Then s/he:

a. flipped through the tome (only acceptable if you chose 7b, 7c, 7d or
7g)
silently.
b. sipped the ale silently.
c. ate and/or drank silently
d. waited for someone silently.
e. waited to be included in someone else's story silently.
f. just sat there and waited.
g. just sat there and waited while looking mysterious.

14. After previous step:

a. nothing happens and s/he is never heard from again.
b. a tentative start to a thread is made, quickly dries up,
and s/he is never heard from again
c. s/he becomes bored, graduates from college, gets a job,
and spends the rest of his/her life vaguely dissatisfied.

----